Edward Cullen's Autobiograpy
by E.A Cullen
Summary: What happend before he met Bella?


**You think you know my story, the love story, the Lion and the Lamb. This story is only the happy ending. The story of my life, my real story is far darker, deeper. The events leading up to discovering Bella and my true purpose in life are thoughts I try to forget, but for now I have decided to go through my old journals and write the story of my life.**

**This is my story.**

**Chapter 1**

**My name is Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, and I am a Vampire. I was born in Chicago, Illinois on June 20th, 1901 to a middle class couple, Edward and Elizabeth Masen. My father was a successful lawyer and worked hard keep the bread on the table. My mother was a kind, loving woman, I was very fond of her. I knew that I loved her and truly respected her as my mother and a person I could relate to and tell anything to. I was lucky enough as a child to have the privilege of schooling.**

**I enjoyed the academic side of school but found a great enjoyment the arts and fell in love with music from a young age. As I grew older, my parents permitted me to have piano lessons and music quickly became my way of expressing myself. As a child, my emotions were fairly calm; I had no real** **drama in my life and had a loving and warm family. **

**Once my schooling had finished, my parents had hoped that I would follow in my father's footsteps and go to law school. I on the other hand longed to join the army. **

**I was 17 years old and still had a while ahead of me before my 18th birthday and I thought of nothing but fighting in the war, the glory. I was easily taken in by all the propaganda around me. This seemed to worry my****mother, who seemed to see through the glorified lies and knew what would really happen; she wanted me to stay home, where I could be kept safe. I seemed to have a good understanding of what people were thinking and I knew the thought of her losing me was unbearable to her, but I yearned for adventure and the immature child in me longed to escape my seemingly mundane life. Unfortunately, in January of 1981, the Spanish influenza epidemic hit Chicago, the virus was rumored to have killed more people then the war it's self. Just like most other families in the area, my family and I caught the virus and fell ill, very quickly.**

**My father passed away first, leaving my mother and I on our deathbeds. Dr. Carlisle Cullen, our physician had gone to check on my mother, late one night and found she had taken a turn for the worst. She was near death and just as she had begged me not to go to war she begged Dr. Cullen to save me. The doctor took her dying words to heart and came to visit me also that night. **

**He sat down in front of me, on the edge of my bed, and told me that he was going to give me new life. He called me his son and leaned his head onto my neck. The pain I suddenly felt was excruciating, like nothing I had ever felt before. The pain seemed to last forever, my whole body felt like it was on fire from the inside. I thought it was death, I thought I had died and gone to hell. Every now and then, amidst my constant screams of pain I heard a man's voice, it was calming and soothing, although it did nothing to ease the pain, it made me feel like there was a way though this and it would not last forever. **

**Eventually, after what seemed to be an eternity, the pain began to cease. I was starting to feel my body again, and the fire inside me was slowly fading away. I took one deep breath and the pain stopped almost completely, only a small burn was left in the back of my throat. The breath felt strange to me, not as it had before. I opened my eyes and gasped in shock. Everything was so clear, so vibrant and colorful. I sat up, looking around me in awe. I put my hands out on the side of the bed and went to push myself out, expecting this to be a struggle, but it wasn't. I was on my feet in less then a second. I shocked myself and felt my body jump suddenly. I turned quickly and caught sight of myself in a mirror at the far end of the room; I jumped back against the wall in shock and horror. **

**I didn't look like me. I breathed out another uneasy breath and slowly walked towards the mirror. I stood in front of it, staring. My skin was so white, it almost looked like marble. I put my hand to my face and my skin felt hard and smooth. I frowned slightly, shocked as to what had happened. I must still be sick I thought to myself. I glanced into the mirror again, confused. If I was still sick, then why did I look…Better? Questions were flooding my mind as I stared at my new reflection. I pressed my face in closer to the mirror, trying to decipher what else was different. My eyes, they had changed color. I took another shocked breath and stood back from the mirror in fear. The usual bright green of my eyes had been replaced with a deep red. It was a color I had never seen on a pair of eyes before. I blinked and stared at them again, as if I thought they would change. They didn't. I sat on the floor in front of the mirror, I was transfixed by my new reflection, a mixture of shock and fear was running through my mind. My usual dull auburn hair was now a vibrant bronze color that seemed to almost glow. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to take in the new situation.**

**I was suddenly interrupted by a voice. I opened my eyes quickly and was on my feet in a split second, I scanned the room with my new enhanced eyesight. No one was there, but I could hear them clearly. It was the same man I had heard when I was sick, he was coming up the stairs and it seemed he was talking to himself, talking? Or thinking? The way he spoke was as if he was speaking his chain of thoughts aloud. I opened the large wooden door of the room cautiously, yet I knew this man meant me no harm. When I started to walk down the long hallway, it felt strange to me. It was no effort at all. I reached the top of the staircase and saw him once again. **

**Dr. Cullen? Why was I with him? I thought to myself. Everything in my mind seemed to be a blur; confusion started to take over. I looked him in the eyes; his eyes were a bright golden color. Yet his skin was as pale and marble like as mine, his bright blond hair also had the same glowing effect as mine had. I gulped and managed to force out a sentence "Excuse me, sir." I gasped again in shock at the sound of my voice. It had changed just as much as my body. It was softer, smoother and my words seemed more defined. I breathed in deeply again, determined to find out what was going on. I looked at him again and he smiled a warm and welcoming smile at me. I had to stare at him for a moment because he was still talking to himself yet his lips were not moving. I looked around to see if there were others in the room that could be talking, but we were alone. I let my new eyes focus in on his face and forced myself to speak again "Are… you saying something?" I asked, knowing the man must think I was crazy as I was staring at him and he was clearly not speaking. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a sort of embrace. He grinned widely at me and spoke in a voice similar to mine "My name is Carlisle Cullen. Your mother told me to keep you safe and that is what I have done." He nodded to himself once and put a firm hand on my shoulder, leading me without speaking towards a small, cramped room filled with books and paintings. He sat me down and began to explain to me what I was. **

"**Edward" He said in a proud, matter of fact tone. I looked around the room then back to him in a sort of dazed and confused way, I nodded "Yes, sir?" He grinned at me and carried on. "This will be a lot to take in, first of all I would like you to know that I apologize for this, I know I should not have brought this upon you but your mothers promise mad me feel this was the right thing to do" I nodded again, trying hard to keep my focus on him and not let my eyes wander around this amazing room. "You have to understand that you would have died that night if I had not done this, therefore I have taken nothing from you, merely given" I looked at him closer as he grabbed my attention. "Edward, you have become something different to your former self, something of a rather inhuman nature" I nodded again, intrigued to find out what he meant. "The hunger is something that will take time to get used to, but eventually you will be able to bare it" I raised my eyebrow slightly, the hunger? Was that what this burning in my throat was? If this was hunger, then what was I hungry for? I wondered. **

**He answered my next question in his next sentence "You have become a vampire, a blood drinker, Edward. Just as I am" I gulped slightly and my frown deepened. A vampire? I had heard such nonsense in rumors and old wives tales but never had I considered the possibilities that they actually existed. I shook my head, trying to fathom it out in my mind. He gave me a sad, almost guilty look. "I'm so sorry, Edward. It's hard to accept, I know this well, but you don't have to let it get to you, I have found a way to survive by living off animal blood, I have never killed a human in my life" I looked back at him. "I…I will have to drink blood?" I asked, feeling slightly disgusted yet interested at the same time. He nodded to me, solemnly. "And what of my parents? Are they 'vampires' too?" I asked, hoping to see them again soon. His face fell again and he leant forward in his chair and took my hand lightly "Edward, my son, I am so sorry, but I could not save them" I felt a lump in my throat, harsh emotion for the first time in my short life. I wanted to cry but for some reason I couldn't. All the times I felt I had taken my parents for granted were now coming back to haunt me. He comforted me for a moment and explained that vampires can't cry. I sighed and after a while I managed to accept and take in what he had told me. The rest of the day went by and he told me everything there was to know about my new life. That I would no longer be able to sleep, no longer dream, no longer eat food or spend a day out in the park in the bright sunshine for my skin would reflect the light the same way a diamond would. This was hard for me to take in and accept in one day. **

**Once he had finished explaining and I put it all together in my mind, I realized what I had become, that I had been given the life of a monster. I was scared; I didn't want to be this. I was grateful to him for saving me but deep inside I knew I would rather have died. Carlisle also explained that some of us have a gift; it seemed that I had the ability to read the minds of others. I could hear his thoughts as clearly as his spoken words and I wasn't sure if I liked the idea of invading other people's privacy. But then again, I liked none of this. **

**He took me out later that evening on my first hunt, as we walked outside from the back of the house, I noticed a slight glow on my skin from the setting sun, it frightened me, made the whole situation more real, but that was nothing compared to what was about to come. He had explained to me his way of living on animal blood. He told me that his control was stronger then others of our kind. This panicked me as I already knew my control would be weak. The smell of the people around me alone sent my mind into a crazed killing frenzy. I found my first victim to be a large stag, prowling the outskirts of Warren Park. I let my instinct take over and I darted at the animal, pushing it to the ground with little effort. This felt like second nature to me and at the time I didn't even think about it. I held it there with the palm of my hand pushing my teeth into its soft neck. My teeth ripped the skin too easily and the warm blood I so longed for filled my mouth and ran down my throat. I closed my eyes and let the moment take a hold of me. It felt like nothing I had felt before. Words fail to describe the taste, the pleasure. The burning in my throat was slowly being put out by the soothing liquid running down my throat. As I felt the stag go limp in my arms the blood flow began to stop. I let go of the lifeless body and stood up again, into a normal human position. My posture had scared me, I seemed more animal then human, the way I pounced and crouched, yet it seemed so natural to me now. Carlisle was watching and praised me for my abilities to keep myself clean. I half smiled, still somewhat disappointed with myself that I had just taken a life. **

**We were just about to leave as I turned back to look at the body when something strong hit my nostrils. This scent was incredible. The burning came back into my throat with a vengeance and my senses were suddenly heightened to an extreme level. I heard Carlisle's panic in his thoughts as the humans approached us. I could hear in their mind that they were two thieves and murders, typical crooks for this area. They were on their way to a local bar. My human emotions left me in a second and the monster took full control. Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder and tried to pull me back, but I was stronger then he was. I darted out in front of them, snarling like a wild cat. The humans froze and I could hear in their mind that they were scared. One of them ran and I quickly ran after him, pouncing and pining him to the ground. Without a moment of thought I sunk my teeth into his neck, his blood tasted a thousand times better then the blood of the stag. I ripped and tore at his soft flesh with my teeth to make the blood flow free. His friend had already gone and I didn't care, I was caught in the moment. The mans body flopped dead to the ground and I stood up, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. I closed my eyes as the burning in my throat was completely drained out. I stood above the dead body, panting like an animal until I had a sudden wave of realization flow me as I heard the disappointment in Carlisle's mind. The guilt hit me like a punch in the gut and I realized that I had let the monster take over. As good as it had felt at the time, I was now guilty, no better off then the dead man in front of me. I was determined not to let it happen again. **

**Chapter 2**

**A few days after my first kill, Carlisle and I moved away from Chicago and settled in Ashland, Columbus. As the first few months went by I began to slowly lose my animalistic hunger for blood. I still craved it more then anything and I still found myself uneasy around humans. I was passed off as Carlisle's nephew to the humans and I spent most days shut inside the house. Carlisle quickly got a job in a local hospital. I spent most of my time watching him, studying his work and his attitude towards life. He was what I wanted to be and I looked up to him as a role-model, a new Father. After the first two years I had gained a much better control of my hunger. I was able to live among humans, I didn't fit in as well as Carlisle but he was always there to help me. He had become my best friend and my teacher, showing me the ways of medicine and introducing me to the arts of his time while teaching me ways of controlling the thirst. As time went on my eyes faded from deep red to the same golden color as Carlisle's, the animal blood had a different effect on us. We were different.**

**One night in the year 1921 as I sat by the grand piano Carlisle had bought me, tapping at the keys in random patterns, I heard Carlisle's thoughts approaching. He was talking to me in his mind, asking me to have a bed ready. He had someone with him, a young woman who seemed on the brink of death. I did as he asked and had a bed ready for her just as he reached the house. He carried the woman to the bed and laid her down. I could see real pain in his eyes, not the pain of the thirst by true emotional pain. I could see in his mind that he had met this woman before. Her name was Esme Platt and she had been a former patient of his, before he had found me. I could hear in both their minds that Esme had tried to take her own life by jumping off a cliff, her marriage had turned out badly and her child had recently died. I felt bad for this woman, not all humans had it as easy as I did and I took it all for granted at the time. I looked into her lifeless blue eyes and she screamed out in agony. I knew Carlisle had already bitten her. He felt something for this woman, he seemed to love her. I put my hand on his back to comfort him. "You saved her, Carlisle." I said with a smile. I stood up and walked to my room, knowing I should leave. **

**I left him alone with Esme for the three days it took for the change to take place. Tracking the progress in their thoughts. She thought so strongly of the pain that it reminded me of my own painful transformation. I could almost feel it again and I found I had to hunt more at the time. I sat in the corner of my room, looking out the window and listening to some soft classical music in the background when my forced calmness was interrupted by an excited shout from Carlisle. I heard him call my name in his mind and I went into the room where Esme was. **

**She was awake and well, she was stunning. The change had made her look incredible, her long caramel curls seemed to radiate light from them and her soft white skin was truly beautiful. Her thoughts were returning my compliments as she stared at me and I smiled. Carlisle was holding her hand and she was holding his back with as much enthusiasm. She smiled back to me and spoke "Hello, you must be Edward. Carlisle has mentioned a lot about you." I tried to hide a gasp at her voice. It was just as beautiful as her face, she sounded like an angel. I grinned widely and looked at her and then to Carlisle. I extended my hand out to her "Yes, I am Edward. It's a pleasure to meet you, Esme" She reached out her hand in return. "The pleasure is all mine." She smiled warmly. "How are you, Edward? I hope everything is well with you?" She looked back at Carlisle with happiness in her eyes, and then returned her attention to me, smiling. I laughed quietly to myself at how happy they were, Carlisle deserved this. I looked up at her and grinned "I'm fine, thank you." I lied "Will you be joining Carlisle and I?" I asked, hoping she would say yes. She nodded. "I shall...That is if you don't mind me joining you. I wouldn't want to intrude, he's told me so much about you and I wouldn't want to break that bond between you." She said with genuine concern. It shocked me that she could truly be worried about that when it was so obvious her and Carlisle were meant to be together. Esme smiled back and gave me a hug. "Thank you, I truly appreciate you letting me join." She said in her angel like voice. I hugged her back and gave her a nod. "Welcome to the family."**

**Chapter 3**

**Esme joining us was possibly the best thing that could have happened for me at the time. She was so naturally caring and passionate. Even though I was a vampire, I was still only 20 years old and felt I needed some motherly guidance. She took to this role instantly. I knew she longed for children and I needed a mother, she was meant to be with us. Carlisle finding her was fate. This proved to me that Carlisle had got it right. He was so good, never killing a human in his life, he was being repaid. Was it too late for me? I thought to myself. This hell on earth surely can't forgive me for my biggest sin of taking human life. This haunted me for a few years, every day watching Carlisle and Esme get closer and closer, happier and happier, the fear that this could never come for me was almost unbearable. In 1925 Esme and Carlisle married and became a true family. I continued to study medicine with Carlisle and went on hunting trips with him, here or there but I felt myself to be in the way. He had found his someone, his soul mate. Who was I? Where did I fit in, in their perfect relationship? **

**One night, in 1927, sitting alone in my room, my mind began racing as usual. Carlisle and Esme had just left for the night and I was in the house alone. I decided to leave. I didn't want to be the third wheel of this perfect couple anymore. I left all my possessions behind, taking nothing but the clothes I was wearing and I climbed out the window and ran. I didn't know where I was going, or what I was doing, I just ran and kept running. I moved myself from town to town, state to state, picking off any murderers, rapists or thieves that were wandering the streets. The human blood cured the pain in my mind for a brief while. It was like a drug that pushed the problems of reality to the back of my mind. I began to act like a god, deciding who should live and who should die, I only killed the guilty, listening to their thoughts to decipher them from the innocent. Some were truly sick and for a while, I began to take pleasure in ridding the world of them. I was a killer now. That's all I thought of, my next kill, my next taste of blood. All the humanity about me had gone, I no longer needed the soothing sound of the piano, the long exciting text books on modern medicine, it all seemed so trivial to me now, so human. I felt I was greater then all that. I was this amazing creature, above all other. **

**But one day, it hit me. As I was out hunting in the small town of Arkport, New York, I came across a young man in streets, He couldn't have been much older then my body perceived me but he was a murder, he killed for money. I stalked him through the streets. He was heading into an alleyway and I came round and blocked his exit. I was brutal with my attack, I didn't talk with them or mess with their minds, I just did what I was there to do. I pushed him against the wall and the hunger took over, without giving it another thought I sunk my teeth into the boy's neck. His blood was amazing and my teeth pulled at his flesh for more. Suddenly my mind was pulled from the taste of the blood by his thoughts. He was literally having his life flash before his eyes. His parents had died and he was taken in by a gang and forced into murder and robbery, He hated that life and had put forward a plan to escape and go to school. Just from his mind I could tell he was smart. He had so many ideas, so much ahead of him and I had taken all that away in a split second. His neck fell limp and I heard his last thought "Death has come for me, it's no more then I deserve, I have my comeuppance" This thought went through me like a stab of a sharp blade. As his body fell the guilt took over and collapsed, hard to the floor, I stayed there for hours, staring at the dead body of this boy, forced into the life of killing, just as I had been. **

**I deserved to die, I was a sick sadistic monster and I thought I was ridding the world of evil. It hit me that the only true evil in this world was me. I had killed more people by far then any of the other killers I picked off. What gave me the right to rid the world of them when I was still walking it? I carried the boy out of town and into a remote woodland. I buried him under a tree, I sat by his new grave and began making my apologies to the world. These words I was saying meant nothing, no one could hear them and they would never make up for the fact that I had destroyed so many lives, guilty or not. I knew I this was my payment. Living forever with the guilt of my sins, never to find love, to be alone, forever.**

**1931 I was now 30 years old and was mentally more mature, I wandered the towns of New York, never hunting, animals or humans. I wanted the thirst to kill me I deserved the pain. While traveling down a busy street in Rochester, New York I heard a very familiar voice in the sea of thoughts in my mind. I stuck out far beyond the others and I knew instantly who it was. I felt a small wave of hope run through me. A feeling I hadn't felt for years. I turned to see him standing behind me. He gave me a warm smile and put his hand on my shoulder. I smiled, ecstatically happy to see him. "Carlisle!" I shouted as I threw my arms around him into a hug. I needed to; I needed to know someone was there. He hugged me back stood back to look at me "Welcome home, my son" he said with a grin. **

**He took me back to his new house in the town and Esme immediately came running over to me and pulled me into her arms. Seeing me again gave her a sense of shock and she hugged me tighter. "Edward! I'm so glad you're okay. I'm glad you're here. We've missed you." I hugged her and pulled myself back to look her in the eye. I kept my tone serious and knew I had to tell her. "You don't know what I've done, you shouldn't want me back" She frowned at my words. "Nonsense, Edward. Don't speak down of yourself. Nothing could ever change how much we love you, no matter what wrong you have done." She was too forgiving. I couldn't forgive myself for what I had done but I had strong gratitude towards her and Carlisle for accepting me back. **

**Chapter 4**

**Another year passed, I began to become myself again. I had started writing music again and Esme encouraged me greatly, I dedicated a song to her; and she had me play it for her at least once a day. Carlisle had taught me a great deal and I had enrolled in Medical School and was reaching the end of my studies. As much as I enjoyed Medical School, I was fearful of becoming a doctor like Carlisle, control came naturally to him. I didn't trust myself. I decided to settle for going back to high school when the opportunity came. I figured that would be the rest of my life, high school... Day in, day out. I didn't mind it so much, I still felt that I was being punished for all I had done wrong; but my life, if you could call it a life, seemed to be settling down into a slightly more peaceful existence.**

**Until one day, Carlisle bought a new person into our lives. Rosalie Hale was the daughter of a well known banker. She was the most beautiful woman in the town, apparently. She seemed spoiled and arrogant to me. I generally avoided her, but she seemed to be the talk of the town. Everywhere I went, gossip and sarcastic thoughts of her were flying around. She had just been engaged to Royce King II. He was the son of a wealthy man in the area. Everyone knew the King's and this was big news to the humans.**

**I was at home one night with Esme, when Carlisle came bursting through the door with Rosalie in his arms, she was covered in blood and barely breathing. The smell filled the room and I began panic. Having a bleeding human in our house made my emotions mix up. When I saw who she was I began to get angry. I heard in Carlisle's thoughts that she had been attacked and left to die by Royce and his drunken friends. Carlisle carried her to the spare room and laid her down. I heard what he planned to do. Before I could say anything, he already had his teeth in her neck. He withdrew and ran out of the room to get away from the scent. He came back to where Esme and I were standing, still slightly stunned. He explained to Esme what had happened, that she had been attacked and was about to die. Carlisle had come across her lying in the street and had to bring her home. The smell was still strong in the air; and my emotions took hold of me. **

**I turned to Carlisle, the anger and disgust was obvious on my face. "What were you thinking, Carlisle!? Rosalie Hale?" I spoke through gritted teeth. "I couldn't just let her die, It was too much, too horrible, too much waste." Carlisle replied. He had far too much compassion for human life. I found it hard to understand at that moment. I sighed, trying to suppress my disgust. "I know." I said with a slight hint of sarcasm. I stood up and paced the room. Carlisle was standing dead still, almost whispering to himself, and the same words were running over in his mind. "It was too much waste. I couldn't leave her." Esme walked over to him and held tight to his hand. "Of course you couldn't." she agreed, taking him into a tight hug. I looked up at them, frowning. "People die all the time. Don't you think she's just a little recognizable though? The kings will put up a huge search, not that anyone suspects the fiend." I snapped, there was a long awkward silence, I continued my pacing until the silence got too much. I decided to break it. "What are we going to do with her?" I asked angrily. "That's up to her, of course, she may want to go her own way." Carlisle said in a slightly sad tone. I breathed out deeply and snarled slightly. What was he trying to do? Take in every dying person he came across and bring them into this one big blood-thirsty family? I was too mad to stay there. I headed towards the door and left to go hunting to calm myself down. I knew I had lost this battle, so I would have to grit my teeth and bare it. Maybe she wouldn't be as bad as I had thought. **

**I wandered around for a few days, I didn't want to go home, I was embarrassed by the way I had reacted and felt I needed to make my apologies. I seemed to have apologized to Carlisle and Esme too many times, how many more chances would they give me before they got fed up of my mood swings? I realized that I was just sulking and sighed to myself. I put my pride behind me and walked home. As I got closer, I honed in on the thoughts of Esme and Carlisle. Rosalie's change was over and they were explaining what had happened to her. I switched my attention to Rosalie's mind. She was obviously in love with her new body, that's all her mind focused on. She kept turning her head to get a peek of herself in the mirror, this angered me. She had no idea what Carlisle had done for her, what was ahead of her and all she cared about was her looks. I reached the door and took in a deep breath. **

**I opened it and walked in to find Esme, Carlisle, and Rosalie all gathered around the dining room table. All three looked up at me immediately. Esme smiled and welcomed me home. Carlisle also gave me a warm smile but it hurt, I felt I had betrayed him. I returned his smile with a half smile and walked over to him. I hung my head slightly and looked at the table. "I'm sorry for the way I reacted Carlisle, I understand if you do not forgive me." I already knew he had forgiven me. In his mind, he had forgiven me before I even thought of returning. He walked around the table to stand beside me and gave me a pat on the back "Thank you for apologizing, Edward, but I think it is Rosalie here you should apologize to." He turned to look at Rosalie and my eyes followed his. I saw her properly for the first time since her transformation. Yes, she was stunning. The most beautiful creature I had ever seen, but the inner bitterness that she had in her ruined that beauty. I gave her a slight smile and held my hand out to her. "Um, I'm sorry, Rosalie. It's nice to meet you, I'm Edward." She returned my hand shake and smirked, "Pleasure to meet you too, Edward." She had a slightly cocky tone to her voice. I gave her a nod and turned towards the piano. I sat down and started jabbing at the keys. **

**Her thoughts took a dramatic turn. She was shocked, and very angry. "Why did his jaw not drop, I'm stunning, how could he just walk away from me as if I was some normal person!" she screamed in her mind. I looked up and smirked at her, "I see Carlisle hasn't told you of my gift yet, Rosalie?" She looked at me with confusion. "Gift?" she asked Carlisle. Carlisle shot me a playful glare and turned to face Rosalie. "Edward has the ability to read minds, Rosalie. You'll get used to him answering questions before you ask them." He turned back and gave me a smile and shook his head.**

**Carlisle was hoping that Rosalie and I would eventually get along. He seemed to think that we would make a good couple but much to her disgust, I had no interest in her what so ever. She also had no interest in me but persisted to flirt with me, knowing I was the only man to ever turn her down made me a challenge to her. She eventually gave up, knowing I wouldn't crack. I began to see her as a sister and we started to become closer. Although, there was always a strain there. Eventually, "life" started to become normal again.**

**Chapter 5**

**The next two years were quiet and rather uneventful, Carlisle took us to meet another family of vegetarian vampires, The Denali Sisters. They were old friends of Carlisle and had been inspired by his ability to live off animal blood. Carlisle wanted to introduce us to them. They had recently lost their maker and mother, Sasha due to an argument over immortal children with The Volturi. Carlisle had told me all about The Volturi and how he used to live with them. He spoke very highly of Aro and I wanted to meet him greatly. The sisters lived in Denali, Alaska. We traveled by there by train from New York, the journey was long and boring. Once we arrived we walked to the sisters house and Carlisle called out to them. I heard them come running to the door. They let us in with huge smiles, greeting Carlisle first, then Esme and then Rosalie. **

**I was tagging behind them, feeling somewhat out of place. As I looked up I noticed one of the sisters was staring at me. I heard in her mind that she liked me and I got slightly embarrassed. She walked over to me and held out her hand "Hello, I'm Tanya. You must be Edward. It's a pleasure to meet you." She said with a wink. I tried to hide back a frown and shook her hand "Nice to meet you too, Tanya." She was beautiful, of course. Long strawberry blonde hair, the usual golden eyes of a vegetarian vampire. Her sisters soon came running over to me and another shook my hand "Hi, I'm Kate" She said with a big grin. I smiled back at her, pleased her thoughts were not quite the same as Tanya's. "Hello, Kate. It's nice to meet you," She backed off with a giggle and her other sister came to say hello. "Hi, Edward. I'm Irina." I gave her a smile too and greeted her also. All three girls were truly beautiful. Tall, blonde, perfect bodies. **

**During our stay everyone would drop odd comments here and there to me, almost hinting. I knew they were trying to set me up with one of the sisters, and Tanya was doing her best to make me choose her. Despite her constant flirting, I wasn't interested in any of them. I knew this made Rosalie happy, that it wasn't just her I turned down. **

**We staid with the sisters for a month, hearing stories of the past and learning more about Carlisle. They were fun to be around and I saw them as good friends, I hoped by the time we left that Tanya would also see me as no more then a friend, but her feelings were still there. When we left Alaska we decided to travel for a while. We moved through states, staying in rented accommodation, then leaving again in a few weeks. Everywhere was the same to me. Every State, all the people. Nothing was new, nothing was different. The Second World War was still raging on and everywhere there was gloom and misery.**

**I'm 1935, while staying in Tennessee, Rosalie had gone out on a long weekends hunt. I was thankful for the peace, she got on my nerves most of the time. I was sitting down with Carlisle, studying a new medical method, my mind was focused and I had managed to push everyone else's thoughts to the back of my mind. Suddenly one screamed it's way into focus. I stood up quickly and looked out the window, Carlisle looked shocked "What's wrong Edward?" I frowned slightly as I saw Rosalie running through the trees. "Rosalie found someone, she wants you to turn him" I snarled. This "family" was big enough already. I stormed downstairs to see Rosalie walk in the door holding this huge man. She laid him out on the couch and screamed for Carlisle. She explained that the man had been attacked by a bear and she found him while she was hunting. The man reminded her of her old friends baby that she had really loved as a human. I locked into his thoughts and saw the whole attack, it was brutal. He couldn't have been much older then 20 and Carlisle seemed to be taking pity on him. I sighed and let my anger pass, maybe it wouldn't be so bad having another male around, especially if he gave Rosalie the attention she so desperately craved.**

**Carlisle agreed and took him to one of the bedrooms to change him. The change took the usual three days and his screams were ear splittingly loud. Eventually it was over. Rosalie was the first to great him. Running over to him and throwing her arms around him. "Poor man", I thought to myself I followed in after Carlisle and Esme. The man looked stunned, his mind was racing with a mixture of fear, shock and excitement. Carlisle sat him down and introduced himself. "Hello, my name is Carlisle Cullen and this is my family, Esme and Edward and Rosalie Hale." I gave him a nod and he returned it. "My name is Emmett McCarty, how did I get here?" he replied in a confused tone. As Carlisle was explaining what had happened to him, the fear in his mind started to slip away and the excitement was taking over. He seemed to like it. He also seemed to like Rosalie. Once Carlisle had finished. He gave Emmett the option of staying with us or leaving. I could hear Rosalie's mind get desperate. Emmett turned to her and grinned "I would love to stay with you all" I smiled slightly, excellent. Now Rosalie had found her soul mate. I was now the fifth wheel. I sighed and walked out the room. **

**  
****The next day Rosalie had taken Emmett hunting and they were just on their way home, they were a perfect couple already. I hadn't spoken to Emmett at all since the day before. They came through the door holding hands and standing close together. I looked away to hide my disgusted look. Rosalie gave him a kiss on the cheek and glided off to find Carlisle. Emmett and I were alone in the living room. I sighed expecting to have to talk to him but he spoke first. "So, Edward, I guess you are my little brother now" He said in a mocking tone. At first I found this an insult, Little Brother!? I was 14 years older then he was. I went to say something when it suddenly dawned on me that that's what the rest of the world would see. To everyone else I was only 17 and he was 20. I sighed and gave him a nod realizing he was right. "I guess you are" He gave me a smirk and punched my shoulder lightly. "OW!" I yelled and jumped back. It actually hurt. I looked up at him with a slight frown. I knew he was a new born and all but that was a strong hit. He looked just as confused as I was "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to do it so hard" I shrugged "It's okay, that was just... Really strong." He looked pleased with me saying this and it made me laugh. Seeing me laugh made him burst out into a loud chuckle. Now neither of us could hold it back. Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie had heard us from upstairs and were standing in the living room with a mixture of shock and amusement on their faces. This just made the two of us laugh more. I hadn't laughed this much in years. I liked Emmet, a lot. I was pleased that he joined the family, and I was pleased that I now had a brother.**

**As time went on, Emmett and I became best friends. His presence in the family made things a lot easier, he was always so happy and playful and he took the bitter edge off Rosalie. Once again, life was beginning to seem bearable. We continued to move on quickly before deciding to settle near Lake Crescent in Washington in 1948. Carlisle had been in the area before; it was great for us, thick cloud cover, a large choice for hunting, natural beauty and privacy. It was perfect and we were determined to stay there for as long as we could.**

**A few weeks after our move to Washington, the family and I were out on a hunting trip. We had ventured further then we had before, wanting to explore the land. We came across a reservation called La Push. While hunting I was distracted by a loud disturbance in the sea of thoughts around me. The local tribe, The Quileute's knew we were there. They had seen our kind before and knew what we were. I quickly tracked down Carlisle and the others with just a few seconds to spare before the tribe had us surrounded. As the tribe got closer, a strange and sickening smell began to flood the hair. Held my breath in, the stench was terrible. I could hear in the others minds that they could smell it too and Rosalie pulled a face of disgust covering her nose with her hand. Carlisle seemed un-phased and held his hands up in defense and stepped forward. The tribe, who also seemed to be in disgust of us, instantly lifted their weapons and three males stepped forward. One was much older than the others; he seemed to be the eldest in the tribe. **

**Carlisle began to speak to him in the native language. He translated the conversation to me in his mind. He had met the same tribe the last time he had been to Washington, over 100 years ago. The elder man seemed to believe him and the others lowered their weapons. Carlisle explained that we were his family and we were also vegetarians, the elder was in agreement but was unhappy about us being close by. As they were speaking I saw an image flash in the elder mans mind. He had been a shape shifter, their tribe were descended from an ancient spirit tribe. One of their chiefs had been tricked into losing his body and shared the body of a wolf. As time had gone on, the wolves discovered more of our kind, human drinkers, and they had killed members of the tribe. The wolves had found that they were able to hurt the vampires and from then on decided to protect the humans of the tribe from us.**

**  
The elder man was staring at me and I heard in Carlisle's mind that he had said something about us polluting the air. I frowned at the man and held back sarcastic laugh. Us smell? They wreaked, a foul smell, similar to that of a wet dog. I looked at him and Carlisle with disbelief and Carlisle gave me a warning glare. I carried on listening, trying to keep my face free of reactions to the things these wolf creatures were saying about my family. I disliked them already.**

**Carlisle and the elder man eventually came to an agreement that we could stay where we were, as long as we promised to stay clear of their land. Carlisle graciously agreed and we left to go back home. As we reached the deeper forest, away from the reservation Carlisle stopped us and discussed what was going on. They had set a boundary line around their land that we were not allowed to cross. We were also not allowed to bite or kill any humans within the area. Emmett didn't take this well and tried to protest. Carlisle gave him a stern look. "These people have lived in this land for hundreds of years, it is more theirs then it will ever be ours, they have suffered great loss at the hands of our kind and I am very grateful to them for letting us stay." Esme agreed with Carlisle and Emmett sighed and gave up the argument. I agreed with Emmett, I hadn't liked the way they had spoken about us. They didn't know the family. I tried not to let it bother me, but Emmett's angry ranting in his mind had gotten me wound up.**

**Chapter 6**

**Despite the problems with the Quileute Tribe, we decided to stay in Washington. Esme had built a house there in the new modern style, using lots of glass to let in the air and show the breath taking views of the forest around us. We truly settled into this place and for the first time in over 30 years I began to feel home. Two years after our move to Washington, Emmett and Rosalie moved out and went to live on their own for a while. Although I liked being alone with Carlisle and Esme again, I missed Emmett's company and was glad of their return a year and a half later. **

**I spent a lot of my time on the piano during this time, The new Jazz and Rock n' Roll styles of the era really interested me and I had began to collect a large verity of records. Once again I was using music to escape what was going on in the real world. I spent every day locked in my room, writing out music and studying new styles. Carlisle and Esme began to worry about me; I was going for long periods of time without hunting or talking to anyone. I could hear the worry in their thoughts but I ignored it, wanting to be alone. Eventually, they sent Emmett to come and chat with me, he decided that we needed to go on a long hunting trip. We spent the time running through the forests and climbing through the mountains. The hunt was incredible. I hadn't realized how much I needed it, how much the burning had really been bothering me. Emmett was in his element, tracking down bears an wrestling them to the floor before draining them. It was interesting to watch; like two bears in a fight to the death, only Emmett was always going to win. He enjoyed hunting a lot more than I did. A week or so after we had left, I was sitting in the high branches of a tree, looking out across the river. I could hear Emmett behind me, planning his attack. I smirked to myself and waited for him to land on my tree. Before he had the chance to pounce on me, I jumped off the tree and landed on the floor with a light thud. Emmett jumped down beside me and cursed under his breath. I laughed and he went for me again. I dodged him and ran, he ran after me yelling "Cheater!" as he tried to catch my pass. I laughed to myself again and shot up another tree. I watched him come running passed and jumped him. This quickly turned into a full wrestling match. Eventually we both gave up and fell to the ground laughing. We stayed there for a while, in silence, looking up to the sky until nightfall when we decided to head home. **

**As we neared the house I heard Esme talking, another voice replied that I hadn't heard before. A male's voice with a southern accent, I frowned slightly and looked at Emmett. I returned my confused look and another new voice filled the air. A delicate, high female voice had now joined the conversation. They were talking to Esme in a relaxed tone; they had obviously been there for a few days. We reached the house and Emmett and I went into the garage to get rid of the hiking equipment we used as a prop for human deception. I threw the large bag off my back and noticed a large pile of boxes in the corner. I could see they were filled with my clothes and my records. I walked over to it and looked inside them. Everything I owned seemed to be boxed up. I turned to look at Emmett; he was just as confused as I was. I sighed and walked into the house, feeling slightly angry. **

**No sooner had I stepped into the front door as a small girl with wild spiky black hair came bounding towards me, she jumped up and hugged me immediately. "Hi!" she said with a huge grin in an angelic child like voice "My name is Alice, I'm going to be your new sister!" She jumped off me and stood right in front of me with huge smile. I liked her instantly and returned the smile. "Hello, Alice. It's great to meet you." I chuckled at her enthusiasm. She seemed almost hyper. She then bounded towards Emmett giving the same hug and introduction. Emmett laughed too and I could tell he liked her as well. I watched her skip off and saw another new face. A man, he looked to be in his early 20's, with honey blonde hair. I noticed that Alice had walked to him and held his hand, they were a couple. Great, just what I needed, another couple. I sighed to myself and the man spoke. "Hello, it's good to finally meet you both, my name is Jasper Whitlock" He gave us a polite nod and Emmett returned it, seeing him as no threat in his mind. I noticed that Alice and Jasper both had red eyes but I realized that they were both here to join us and become vegetarians too. **

**Despite knowing that there was a new couple in the family, Alice and Jasper seemed nice. I knew I would get on with Alice well, she was so happy and bubbly, and she would be a good addition to the family. Jasper seemed very quiet, and on edge, I could tell he was quite a lot older then I was and I had seen his past in my mind. He had trained new borns for a vampire named Maria who had created a new born army. He was covered in battle scars and had a great deal of pain in his eyes. He seemed interesting; I wanted to get to know him. Suddenly, I remembered that my things were still boxed up in the garage. I turned to Esme "Um, Esme?" she answered my question in her mind before I could ask, it was obviously on her conscience. I looked at Jasper and Alice again, then back to Esme. I laughed to myself in a mixture of amusement and shock. "You...took my room?" I asked the new couple. Alice giggled slightly "I'm sorry, Edward. It had the best view in the house" She pulled such an innocent childlike face that I just laughed again. I didn't really mind as much as I thought I would have.  
****  
****Carlisle put his hand on Jasper's shoulder "Come, we will all hunt together, it will be easier for you with more of us around" He looked at me, mentally asking if I would come. Alice piped up before I had the chance to speak. "I'll stay here with Edward" she said in soprano voice. I agreed and the others left to hunt. **

**She****walked up to my piano, admiring it. I watched her, from the other end of the room She ran her fingers along the keys, loving the feel of it under her skin. I smiled slightly and walked closer to her. She lifted her head to smiled at me. She hopped onto the piano lightly, still looking at me. I walked to the piano "Do you play?" I asked quietly, with genuine interest. She smiled wider "No. But I like to pretend to" She said with a giggle. I laughed. "I could teach you" I offered. She studied me for a second before giggling slightly. "Nah, I'm a lost cause" she chuckled. I laughed again, finding her honestly amusing. Her voice seemed to take a seriously tone. "But you can play, I wan to hear you for myself" I was excited about performing for someone and gave her a nod. I sat down at the stool, running my fingers across the smooth white keys. I pressed down the first note and began to play the first thing on my mind, composing on the spot. Her eyes closed and her mind began creating visions to match the music, I continued to play, letting my music reflect what she was seeing. She blinked, realizing I could read her mind. **

**I knew she had a gift too, she could see the future. She grinned and jumped off the piano, lightly walking behind me. I softened the music and brought it to a slow end. She relaxed and put her hand on my shoulder. "You are the only person I can share these things with, Edward" I turned on the stool to face her. "Then that's something we can keep just between us" I said, relieved not to be the only one with a rare gift. She smiled and continued in a different direction. "We, Jasper and I. Are a somewhat strange pair, but what you have, Edward, it's spectacular. **

**You and your family, have something really great. I know... I know for sure Jasper and I will adjust. I was meant to be, like that song you just played. A perfect fit" I knew for a fact that they really were perfect for us. I grinned and gave her a genuine look. "I believe you, Alice." She winked at me playfully. "Good choice, I'd like to meet someone brave enough to bet against me, someday" I chuckled." Well, I know not to." I knew from that moment onwards that Alice would be the best sister I could ever have asked for.**

**Chapter 7**

**We stayed in Washington for another few years. Alice and Jasper fit the family perfectly and we kept a convincing story that we were Carlisle and Esme's adopted family. Alice and I became very close, she was a great sister. Exactly what I needed, Jasper also became another best friend. Just like Emmett and I, the three of us soon became a great team.**

We traveled to Europe, across England, over to France, then on to Germany and Italy. In Italy, we went straight to Volterra to meet with Carlisle's old friends, The Volturi. The Volturi controlled the vampire world, they were the equivalent to the vampire government. Carlisle was a close friend to the leader Aro.

**We arrived at Volterra at 1 am, the old narrow cobbled streets were completely empty. We wandered down the narrow back streets on the way to the huge castle showing in the distance. I was walking at a fast human pace, lagging behind the others, I wanted to take in the Italian views around me. I was in my own little world, in awe of the incredible Italian architecture when I felt a blow to the back of my head. I turned and saw Emmett run past me laughing with Jasper on his tail. I laughed and ran after them, jumping over Emmett and running into a near by ally. I slowed my pace, laughing, and Jasper caught up. We saw Emmett come running around the corner. He was just about to run to us when a large, built man in a hooded cloak came out in front of him and Emmett collided straight into him. **

**We expected this man to be dead after the impact but he stood tall and proud still. He was obviously a vampire. Emmett stood up and snarled, rolling his sleeves up, challenging this man. The hooded vampire seemed to accept the challenge and began to move his arms, threateningly. Just as Emmett was about to strike a voice came from behind me. "Felix, Enough!" I turned to see where this ancient-sounding male voice had come from. Another man in a cloak was standing behind us. The man, who was obviously Felix, gave up on Emmett and gave the man behind us a nod. He stood back, and the other man walked past Jasper and I and stood next to Felix. Carlisle, Esme, and the girls had just found us and were all standing, stunned. Carlisle walked forward, a huge smile on his face. I heard in his mind that the second man was Aro, his friend. "Aro, old friend" Carlisle said, calmly. Aro looked up instantly "Carlisle! How good to see you" He walked to Carlisle and the two embraced. Emmett's thoughts were fuming, he felt he had lost out on a fair fight and he wasn't going to let this drop for a while. I sighed and Jasper and I joined the others. **

**Carlisle gave us a smile and introduced us all to Aro. I noticed that Aro made a point to shake everyone's hand, I then realized why. He was a mind reader too, only he had to touch the person to hear their thoughts, but he heard everything, every memory, every detail. My mouth dropped as he stood in front of me to shake my hand. I gave him a nod, not wanting to reveal all my thoughts. He wasn't put off and he put his hand on my shoulder. A few seconds later he removed his hand and looked at me with a shocked smile. "Ah... I see" he said to me, smirking. "You are very talented Edward, you and your sister." He looked at Alice, I pulled Alice to my side instinctively protecting her. I didn't like his tone of voice. **

**"How long I have wanted to meet someone with such a gift", He went on, "To hear the thoughts of others, without contact" He sighed, I knew he really meant what he was saying. "Such gifts as these would be a great asset to the Volturi." I knew where this was going and cut him off. "Sorry, Aro, but we are happy where we are, thank you for the offer." I knew Alice was in agreement and Aro did not like my adamant rejection of his offer. He tried to hide his anger and disappointment. "Very well." he replied, before looking at Carlisle. "Carlisle, would you and your family care to join us for a while?" Carlisle smiled warmly and gave him a nod. "We would be honored, Aro" He replied. **

**Aro lead us up down a narrow street and up a long cobbled stair case. We reached the entrance to the castle and he waited for us to enter. I stepped in and gasped. The place was incredible. Stone walls covered in ancient art work, Statues and objects covered the place. This castle must have been almost as old as the Volturi themselves. Felix walked past us and grunted at Emmett. I looked over at Jasper and saw him fighting back a laugh. I smiled to myself and Emmett gave me a glare. Aro walked out to face us all "Welcome to my home, dear friends." He said in a warm, welcoming tone. I looked around again, taking it all in. I could see other figures standing in the door ways, watching us. **

**Aro looked around also and noticed our new audience. He looked into one doorway and I saw his gazed fixed on the small figure standing there. "Jane", He said in pleasant tone, "Come meet my old friend, Carlisle, and his new family." he beckoned to the smaller figure and she began to skip towards us. I saw her face, she was so young, no more than 14, her short-cropped, dark hair bounced as she skipped. She was being closely followed by young boy, they were twins. They both stood next to Aro and Jane gave us all a grin. I looked at her closely, she had a menacing look in her eye and I didn't trust her. As I dove into her mind, I realized what her gift was. She had the ability to cause mental pain. My eyes widened as I stared at her. I knew not to get on her bad side. My eyes moved to her brother, he was a bit taller than her but had the same short dark hair, his dark red eyes seemed to be somewhere else, he looked almost bored. **

**Aro introduced us all by name and then introduced the young boy. His name was Alec. Aro proudly told us of the twins gifts, I had been right about Jane, but Alec's gift interested me more. He was the antidote to his sister, he had the ability to block the senses, to make you completely numb. **

**As I took all this in, I noticed another two figures step forward from the shadows of the door way. They were also male and quite tall, one had long dark hair, the other had shoulder length blond hair. They stood behind Aro, the man with dark hair smiled at Carlisle. "Carlisle, how good to see you again, old friend" He said with a genuine warmth. Carlisle smiled and replied with the same tone. "A pleasure to see you again too, Marcus." The other, the blond one was smirking at me. It made me uneasy and I didn't trust him at all. Carlisle gave him a nod "Caius, I trust you are well" He asked, trying to keep it friendly. The blond man, Caius gave him a false smile and replied in a sinister tone. "Yes, thank you, Carlisle." He then returned his gaze to me before moving his eyes to Alice. **

**A few hours later, I had met the entire Volturi Guard, including Caius's and Aro's wives. They all seemed nice on the surface but I had an uneasy feeling about them all. Aro had obviously warned the others of my gift as they all kept their minds relatively empty around me. I found my time their awkward, It wasn't pleasant despite Aro's sickening niceness towards me. One evening, Aro took Alice and I into a room alone and tried to persuade us to join him. The meeting became quite intense and Aro obviously did not like the rejection. **

**The next day Carlisle decided it best that we left. I was glad to get out of that place, I did not trust any of them. I knew I would not voluntarily go to see them again unless I had a genuine reason. They weren't people I wanted to make friends with**

**Chapter 8**

**We returned to America in 1965 after traveling the world. I was glad to be back. I had missed the culture, the people, but it was different. Times once again had moved on and I wasn't particularly enjoying the new culture of the 60's. We moved to Ohio on our return and settled down in a large, modern house on the outskirts of Cincinnati. We enrolled in the local high school. The first day of school came quickly, this was my first time in school for 20 years and I was now a 64 year old about to go back to high school. It felt degrading.**

We pulled up at the new school in Rosalie's bright red Cadillac. Everyone was staring. I sighed and got out of the car, we went to the main office and picked up our time tables, I was lucky, I had been put in the same classes as Alice. We were both doing our Sophomore year while Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie were in their Junior year. I hated having to pretend to be so young, It was bad enough having to seem like a normal 17 year old, let alone a normal 15 year old. I didn't even look 15.

**  
I walked into our first English class and spoke to the teacher, he sat Alice and I at the back of the class. I slumped down onto the chair and put my forehead on the desk. I didn't want to be there, I was in hell. The immature, pathetic thoughts of all the teenagers in the room were flying around in the air, all had the same thing on their minds. "Who are the new people?" I noticed a few girls on the other end of the room kept looking at me. I sighed and got on with the lesson.**

Every day of school was the same, monotonous, boring. Everyone whispered, all the girls stared and Emmett, Jasper and I, and all the boys were drooling over Alice and Rosalie. Rosalie, of course loved it and seemed to enjoy the school life. After a month of high school I gave up. It wasn't for me at the time. I left and stayed at home for a while. The others stayed at school and Carlisle was at work most of the time. I spent my days locked in my room again, despite Esme's attempts to get me to come out.

**  
Eventually, I decided to go back to medical school. I studied hard and made top of my class quickly. A lot had changed since my first time and I enjoyed it a lot more this time round. I helped Carlisle out at the hospital at lot, watching him closely as I had done before. Focusing my mind on all this studying was just another escape. The pressure of being in a house hold of three couples and being alone was beginning to get to me, a lot. I felt so alone, unwanted. I knew girls liked me, but they were just childish humans, liking me for my vampire attraction. No one liked me for who I really was. I knew I had done badly in my so called life, but how long would I have to pay for my wrongs? Was this life I was living hell? I began to think it was. Eternal punishment for past sins, having to live amongst people who had what I wanted, seeing it every day, but never living it myself, never experiencing what it meant to be in love. **

**  
My music began to take a more depressing note; I stopped playing the up beat piano solos of the 50's and began writing deep, classical melodies. One day, while playing a particularly sinister sounding piece, Rosalie stormed up behind me. "Edward, when are you going to stop playing that thing" she snapped. "All you ever do is sit there and play these sickeningly depressing songs" I closed my eyes and took in what she was saying. I lifted my hands off the keys and closed the piano. I didn't want to play anymore. I channeled my anger into my studies and passed my course with flying colors. **

**What did I have now? Where would I go? Every year, every town, the same old place. This was life, eternity filled with emptiness, blank, dark, nothing.  
****  
**

**Chapter 9**

**  
The blankness moved with me everywhere we went. I closed myself off to emotion, to the world around me. I stopped living and just existed. What was there for me to live for, anyway? We moved again and again to different states, different towns, but they were all the same. I went back to high school with the others, starting over and over again every time we moved. I loathed this era and I loathed the people of it. Everywhere I turned there was corruption, drugs, drink. As the 70's came round people became more and more pathetic, drugs became a scene and the music they were now producing was terrible. Electronic pianos creating ridiculous sounds. What had happened to purity? With the 80's came hard core drug abuse, thug culture and people seemed to walk around with more attitude. I was losing respect quickly for the human race, these very people, I was suffering so hard for, and they weren't worth it.**

**I truly felt dead these days, a harsh reality of what I really was. With no music to vent my anger I let it blow over me, I was just an empty shell. I ignored the humans at school completely, creating a reputation that people should stay away from me. People seemed to think I thought I was too good for everyone, but the reality was the opposite. Once the hell of school was over for the day, the hell of being at home started. Every night the couples would go out on their own alone. Or go off and do their own things while I stayed in the house alone. I would sit in my room and stare at the wall, for hours on end. My mind was completely empty.**

**We moved back to the North West again and eventually moved onto Alaska in the 1990's. We moved in with the Denali's. Their family had grown also; Carmen and Eleazar had found the sisters and joined their coven, taking the leadership roles. Carmen easily fit in with the sisters, she was also tall but had brunette hair, she had an almost Spanish appearance, she also seemed very friendly. I smiled at her and held out my hand "Great to meet you, Carmen" She carefully assessed me, holding her hand out to meet mine and shaking it. "And you, Edward. My sisters have spoken so much about you" I was right, she had a slight Spanish accent. I half smiled, dreading what the others had said. She laughed and introduced me to Eleazar. "This is my mate, Eleazar" I shook his hand also and they both smiled at each other, Carmen turned back to me and grinned. "It's alright Edward, we're all family now" I smiled and felt instantly welcome. **

**Denali was a good place for me, easy to escape humans and just run away from the world. Sitting alone among the snow covered mountains made everything seem less real. I was pleased to be with the Denali's, although there was now an added couple; I was no longer the only single member of the household. This of course brought up more problems with Tanya who still insisted on trying to get me to be with her. Although I didn't like Tanya in that way, it was nice to have someone to spend time with. Emmett, of course made constant jokes about Tanya and I spending time with each other and eventually everyone seemed to think we were together in secret. This really frustrated me but eventually Alice put their minds to rest. As the years went on, Tanya got closer and closer to me and it started to become awkward. She had convinced herself that my feelings for her had changed and one night Carmen pulled me aside to talk to me. She asked what my feelings were for Tanya and I explained that we were no more then friends. She understood but told me it would be best if I kept my distance from her. I agreed reluctantly, I didn't want to be lonely again. Fortunately, Kate decided to befriend me and we went hunting together often. Kate was a good friend but she found my lack of enthusiasm in everything annoying. **

**June, 20th, 2001. I had reached my 100th birthday. I had completely forgotten the date and was out hunting on my own. As I walked back home, crunching through the think snow, I could hear excited thoughts coming from the house. I suddenly remembered the date. Of course, Alice had thrown a huge party and the inside of the house was covered in decorations. I tried to look excited. 100 years of nothing seemed little to celebrate in my eyes. I walked into the room where everyone was gathered and forced on a smile. Alice came running over to me and gave me a hug "Happy Birthday, Brother!" She said in a very excited tone. "You didn't have to do all this Alice" I said meaning it more strongly then it sounded. She grinned and ran off back to Jasper giggling. The night wasn't too bad. We spent it all together, chatting and laughing about old times. I didn't really want to be there, Esme tried to convince me to play the piano for everyone, I refused to play and managed to sneak outside, I stood by the house, looking out at the snow covered mountains. **

**I heard Tanya behind me but I didn't say anything. She stood next to me and put her hand on my shoulder "Please, Edward. Please, just try" She asked, a sad tone in her voice. I felt awful knowing I couldn't say yes. I sat down on the floor and she sat with me. I explained my theory that I wasn't meant to find love that I was paying for the sins of my life. She didn't believe me. "I have met many that have killed a thousand times more then you, Edward. They are all happy, they have all found love." I shook my head. "You don't understand Tanya, this is my hell, this is my punishment, I took my family for granted when I was human, I then took the work of a god into my own hands and now I am paying for it" She closed her eyes and looked at me with disappointment in her eyes. "You think too much on things, Edward. You're a good person" She got up and left me.**

**Chapter 10**

**  
The next year Carlisle decided that we should move out on our own again, we were all in agreement although we were sad to say goodbye to the Denali's. They had become an extended family to us. We moved back to our favorite state, Washington. Esme had a house built for us on the outskirts of a small town called Forks. This house was incredible, her best design yet. The outside was a pure white and the whole back wall was made of glass. The view was breath taking. There was a beautiful late at the bottom of our back yard leading out into the forest. It was perfect for us and it felt like home.**

**  
Carlisle immediately got a job at Forks Hospital. Forks was a strange town, everyone knew each other and everyone knew what was going on. We were new, outsiders, people didn't seem to like that much. Our first day at Forks High school was hard. Gossip started straight away and we were drawing far too much attention for my liking. We went to classes, no different then every other we had been to. I could already hear a few girls giggling to each other and talking about me. I tried to ignore them, silly little girls, they didn't know what they were saying. I met up with the others at lunch time and we sat together like we had at every other school. It was just the same. Nothing in this pathetic existence I called a life changed, every day was the same, monotones, boring. None of the humans were brave enough to talk to us, we knew we were dangerous, human instinct to them to keep clear, I liked it this way, I didn't want to have to talk to them. **

**One girl, Jessica Stanley, seemed to be more persistent then the others, she constantly followed me and made flirtatious gestures. At first it was easy to ignore but after a while it began to get on my nerves. A lot of people began to take a dislike to me, thinking I was ignorant. I didn't mind so much, if it kept people away from me, I was happy. This place felt like the end, like nothing would happen again, that I would be stuck in this never-ending emptiness. I hated school, I hated people. I began to try and find ways to distract myself, counting roof tiles of the school building, tracing the cracks in the walls. That was my most exciting part of the day. **

**  
The next few years moves quickly and it was now 2005, the world had changed so much, and I really felt I didn't fit in. I was beginning to give up, until one day the excited chatter of a new girl hit the school... Isabella Swan, the chief of Forks daughter was moving back after leaving with her mother as a baby to live in Arizona. She seemed to be big news and everyone was talking about her arrival. It frustrated me. Everyone was so pathetic to get this excited about another human joining the sheep heard. **

**Little did I know at the time that this seemingly ordinary human girl was to change the course of my pathetically pointless existence forever and finally give me the life I had always dreamed of, that I thought I could never have. She completed me, and for this I owe her everything, she gave me reason. **


End file.
